Because I said so. You may have used this phrase with a partner, child, or stranger. You were likely exhausted when you said this to someone. You didn’t have the patience nor resilience to explain your position. 

Dogs say it too. And I imagine that they too have reached their stress limit when they say, “Because I said so.” 

Think of an empty bucket that fills with stress as the day progresses. Your dog barks while watching dogs parade in front of his home. Your dog barks at the letter carrier delivering mail. Your dog barks when the delivery person knocks on your door and leaves a package. Your dog barks when she hears the school bus door open and children run down the street. 

As this stress bucket fills, resilience decreases. With less resilience, your dog amps up their response to things that make him uncomfortable. Growling, air snapping, and biting are all “no means no” responses. For instance, normally your dog would tolerate non-family members in your home. But with the stress bucket overflowing, your dog is now nipping at their heels and air snapping at their hands while your guest walks to the bathroom. Many times, we think this behavior happens “out of nowhere”. It’s time for us to recognize the “because I said so” moments to keep stress buckets from overflowing into tidal wave “no means no” responses. 

First and foremost, keep your dog’s stress bucket as empty as possible at home. Cover windows with vinyl film, attenuate sounds from outside with music, fans, and other background noises. It’s not behaviorally healthy for your dog to bark at everyday triggers they see and hear from your home. Are those adrenaline surges useful for anyone? 

Next, learn to speak dog body language. As Pat Miller says, “Your dog is speaking to you all the time. Remember to listen with your eyes."

Dog body language is an excellent second language which will help you recognize and de-escalate the “because I said so” moments so they don’t become “no means no” actions. 

The Canine Ladder of Aggression and Lili Chin’s posters are fantastic places to begin learning to “speak dog”. Recognize that your dog turning her head, yawning and stretching out of context, showing her belly with a paw raised, freezing, or removing herself from an activity are “because I said so” moments. By learning dog body language, we become better advocates for our dogs and acknowledge dogs’ agency. We need to recognize their nuanced and subtle communication so that we prevent conflict and “no means no” actions such as growling, air snapping, and biting. 

Any dog can bite. Any dog can say “no means no.” It’s time for us to be better advocates for our dogs by recognizing the “because I said so” moments, de-escalating their stress, and in turn helping them live their best lives.